Two Years Ago

It was two years ago yeserday that we said our farewells at my Mums funeral. Time goes by so fast and you never stop missing them. The raw pain does ease but you still wish you could speak to them at silly or important times in your life. I have kept low key on her anniversary this year. Last year at her one year anniversary i was told i was making way to much fuss over someone that had been dead a whole year so i didnt say much at all this year on facebook or here when it hit her anniversary on jan 11th. The same people did in fact just have there first year a week or so ago with someone they cared about in the same way i do my mum. And yeah the fuss was totally bigger then mine a year ago. lol. I guess sometimes you have to experience what something is like to totally know why that anniversay is important to someone, no matter how many years it is or how long they are gone. I admit i did wonder for a few mins why its okay for them to make a fuss when i was put down for mine a year ago. I wont ever had the answer for that but i do certainly understand why they did make a fuss. But its always been that way and wont change. Nothing i ever do big or small is ever seen as important as what they do, lol. But the important thing here is that i shouldnt have kept quite on jan 11th out of being told i was making a fuss again, i really shouldnt and i wont from now on. Going though my mums fight with nine months of cancer and all the roller coaster up and downs and hope and sadness is not something you can get over right away. That first year that you lose someone is for sure the hardest year there is and that first anniversary is very hard. Being put down while your going though it was very hard for me and not something i would do to someone on there special day. It was like a slap in the face when i was going thought terrible pain. Luckily the second year is easier and i was left alone to deal with it which i did. Being told you have to get over it dont help!!!! And again not something i would ever tell anyone. You do get over it in your own time and way but you never stop missing them. And you shouldnt have to get over it on someone else time frame. But anyway thats the reason for my late post. I didnt like to do it on her anniversay in fear i would be told i was taking away from theres a week later. Hopefully they were able to enjoy there day in the way they wanted without being put down by anyone or told to get over it, its been a year now!!!! Everyone deserves that day and im grateful for the people that stood by me that day giving me the love i needed. They knew what it had been like during those nine months of her fighting for her life, they knew what the first year had been like for me without her and they knew how i was feeling that day and that i deserved to be able to feel that way that day. Everyone deserves to be able to spend that day every year with memorys of there loved one, no one else matters.
Love you mum, i still feel you with us during the important times of our lifes. I felt you so strong at Hayley and Aarons wedding, i know you was there. I know you are happy now that dad is living with us and hes no longer alone with his memorys. We will take good care of him for you. We will always love you and never forget you and all the funny things you did. We still talk about them and laugh at them. Dad told me a new one last night it was so funny. I wish you could have been here to have met your other great grandchildren but i know your still always be there, i felt you so strong that scary night when Leanna was born early and had to go to NICU, you were there with us then. You were one amazing person and you put up such a strong fight and never quit or gave up, Never. You loved life and never accepted to go or give up. You gave it everything to the end to stay. Your grandkids will always remember and love you and the times they had with you. Love you so much and always will. Until we meet again.