What a different a Year can make.

It was a year ago today right around this time in fact that i first got an email from my mum telling me she had a tumor in her lung. She had known about it since Jan but had not wanted to worry me. At that moment my life changed totally. I knew in that moment that it was not going to be good and boy was i right. Its really amazing how quickly your life can change. I felt i had a pretty perfect life and then without warning i was caught up in chemo schedules and doctor apps. It was sooo hard being so far away from her and having to deal with everything over the phone and not being there to hold her hand. In nine months it went from just a tumor in her lung, to having spread to her brain, then her liver and then her bones. My mum went from a person that never had a day sickness in her life and who worked out at the gym every day to needing help to walk to the bathroom. It was the most heartbreaking thing in the world. And so many hopes that were destroyed, so many prayers for a cure and a miracle that seemed to go un heard. We wanted so much for the cancer pills to work, they had worked on other people and broken up the cancer but with her that just wasnt so. So hard when we heard on Nove 9th that nothing was working and she wouldnt be with us more then a month or so. Though it all she never once complained, all her thoughs were for us and how we would handle things when she was gone. She wanted us to move on and have happy lifes. She didnt want us to be too sad as she felt she had had a wondeful life. Its been almost three months now since she left us and ive never stop missing her, its still strange to me that i cant just pick up the phone and call her. I know her spirit is still with my dad tho who is having such a hard time, not just with his grief but with his health. She had always taken care of him with his issues and now he has to take care of them himself. I call him everyday but not a day goes by that i dont wish i could just jump in the car with a tank of gas and go visit him. As for the miracle we did get it, we just didnt know it at the time. Unknown to me at the time my mum had been told she couldnt come out to visit us for christmas as she wouldnt live till christmas. She had told the doctor, Oh yes i will and im going!!!! Even tho in terrible pain she traveled 24 hours of traveling each way to spend the month of Dece with us and give us the greatest gift she ever could have. She had done pretty okay the first week and then every day she slowed down and i could see we were losing her. She couldnt eat and slept most of the time. But always stayed cheerful and told us how much she loved us. It was so hard seeing her go home and seeing how un well she felt that day. She went in the hospital a few days after arriving home. I kept getting told it wasnt time for me to come yet and finally on jan 9th my dad told me it was time to come. I booked my flight on the 9th but couldnt get one till the following week. She passed away on Jan 11th a few days before i got there. Had i known what the doctors had told her i would have gone home with her and been with her the past few weeks. But she hadnt wanted me to know as she wanted us to have happy times at christmas. Looking back i see we did get our miracle that i had prayed for so long. It was a miracle that as sick as she was she was able to make that trip. It was a miracle that her body held out until she got home again. We were given a miracle of seeing her one last time for a wonderful christmas. All she had talked about all year was seeing her grandkids one last time and meeting her great grandbaby before she passed away. And she got her miracle and was able to do that. And if i had ever needed any proof of how much she loved me that would certainly have been it.
Ive never stop missing her but im very grateful for having her in my life and knowing that she is no longer suffering and hurting. She was the bravest person ive ever met and im proud to call her my mum.
Going though something like that you find out also who the important people in your life are, thank you so much for everyone that was there to support me this past year. Your phone calls, emails, hugs etc etc meant the world to me knowing you cared. When your life changes for the worse you really do find out who your friends are. Thank you!

Love you forever Mum. Rest in peace.

ABOVE PICTURE AT AIRPORT WHEN SHE MET HER GREAT GRANDBABY FOR THE FIRST TIME., SHE HAD WAITED A YEAR FOR.